Letting Go?

It has been over 5 months after I went to Singapore to try to see my daughter. After much legal maneuvering, I was able to convince a Singaporean judge to allow me to see my daughter whom was kept away from me for almost 3 years. Seeing her was extremely traumatic for the both of us and it has been months to where I have the strength and calm to write about this.

It is my feeling that she was told that I had disappeared from her life because when she laid her eyes on me, she broke down in tears as if a heavy weight was lifted from her. It was a sight that shook me to my core because she could not contain herself and could not handle seeing me again. I was told that she had a lot of emotional trauma and would need time to heal. It was suggested that I let her go and live my own life. She needed this time to grow and find stability and with hope, she would be ready some day to see me.

I am still learning to let go and my eyes tear as I write this because it has hurt me. I am trying to find and live a normal life and the only strength that has kept me going is finding faith in God. I say this because there is nothing in this world is stronger then His love. I was told that my love for my little girl is like the love of our Father to us. Knowing this makes me understand and brings me calm. These days, I am learning to fill this emptiness with God’s guidance and I am becoming content and happy to be back in Father’s path.

Am I giving up?  No.

I have given up hope without faith. I cannot change the world but I can only pray and help what is within my power. I have learned to be a better Christian by becoming stronger faith.

Thankfully, there are many scriptures and lessons in the Bible that I draw strength from. I am including this from Matthew, chapter 5.

The Beatitudes
Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them saying:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

What I learned from my studies so far is that Jesus understands more than we do and that if we rest on His teachings then we can find the answer.  I know we find a lot of injustice in the world and in my case, injustice towards children. When we pray, pray for guidance and study what you have in your life and what abilities you have because we have what we need in our lives and with guidance, we can do wonderful things that are good for us and each other.

My heart feels heavy because I miss my daughter.  She was my best friend and I love her now as I loved her before.  My emptiness is being filled with God’s love and guidance.

I have a lot to learn both a just a human being and as a Christian.  When I someday see my daughter again, I should hope that my daughter sees that I still love her and that I have a lot to teach her and a lot to learn from her.